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Hatchet / Hatchet II

Written & Directed by:  Adam Green
Starring:  Kane Hodder, Joel Moore, Danielle Harris, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, Tony Todd


Back to reviewing true splatter films, I've decided to watch Hatchet I & II back to back, clocking in at a total of 173 minutes, which is still shorter than any of the homo-erotic Lord of the Rings crapfests (and don't even get me started on the EXTENDED cuts!).  While no modern movie classics, they are serviceable for what they are.

It's not a remake. It's not a sequel.
And it's not based on a Japanese one.

The first Hatchet movie takes place in New Orleans during Marti Gras.  Ben (Joel Moore, Grandma's Boy and Avatar) gets sick of all the beer, beads, and boobs (ahhh the killer B's) so he decides to go off and take a haunted swamp tour.  Feeling bad, Marcus (Deon Richmond, Token Black Guy) reluctantly decides to join him on the tour.  Eventually, the tour boat gets stuck on a rock and starts sinking, forcing the patrons to abandon ship.  Unfortunately for them, they get stranded right in local legend Victor Crowley's backyard.  Victor (Kane Hodder, aka Jason) is a deformed mutant-man who effortlessly dispatches each character one by one, and does so all the way into and through the sequel.

Plot wise, it is not horribly original, but the death scenes definitely are.  You'll see plenty of people brutally chopped in half, as well as countless limbs being ripped off with ease.  The over-the-top violence and campy dialogue makes this film an enjoyable way to spend an evening.  It doesn't take itself serious, which is the best thing about Hatchet, but that's what also keeps it from truly being great. 


Total Score:  6/10
Buckets:  4.5/5


Moving on to the sequel, Hatchet II finally made its way onto home video after AMC and the MPAA date-raped Adam Green's hope of making any money on it.  I was hoping for more, but it was a typical horror sequel.  (SPOILER ALERT!!!) This movie takes place literally the second after the first one ended.  It follows Marybeth, the main female character from the first film, although actress Tamara Feldman has been replaced by the insanely annoying and inferior Danielle Harris (H2).  She goes back into town and collects a group of redneck hunters lead by Reverend Zombie (Tony Todd, Candyman) to go track down and kill Victor Crowly, and to bring the bodies of her brother and father back home.  Turns out things don't go as smoothly as planned (shocker).

It is a sequel, and it follows those rules.

As a sequel, I expected what most sequels offer: a bigger budget, more characters, higher body count, more blood, and most importantly, not being as good as the original.  You can check every one of those off the list because Adam Green sticks to that recipe here, but its not all bad.  Hatchet II has the highest on-screen body count of any slasher film in history, coming in at a whopping 17.  Knowing this, it didn't surprise me that 136 gallons of fake blood was used during filming (compared to 'only' 55 gallons in the original).  Adam Green consulted his death scene playbook often in this film and no page was left unturned.  Victor Crowley uses killing techniques from ripping a severed torso out of its skin all the way to giving a guy a lesson on how NOT to motorboat something.  If death scenes are all that matter to you, then you can pencil this into your queue immediately.

If acting is what interests you in horror movies, then move along, nothing to see here.  Danielle Harris is distractingly horrible in this.  Everything from her constant crying to her nonstop Ace Ventura-esque cocked eyebrow just made me wish she would hurry up and suffer her fate from Rob Zombie's H2.  Unfortunately, we have to deal with her to the bitter end, which is probably the best scene in the movie.

Total Score:  4.5/10
Buckets:  5/5


In conclusion, the Hatchet series has its ups and downs.  At times it is very enjoyable and funny, while at other times its quite cringe-worthy (and not because someone got their jaw ripped out).  Adam Green clearly had fun making these, and could probably make endless sequels to them.  Hopefully he doesn't and uses his talents on more original material, like Frozen (which had a nice little reference in the film).  Since both films are very short, I'd recommend seeing them.  If you had to pick only one to watch, then I'd easily say the first one.  Its better in pretty much every way, unless all you want to see is the worlds biggest chainsaw.

Frozen

Written & Directed by:  Adam Green
Starring:  Shawn Ashmore, Emma Bell, and Kevin Zegers


While Snowpocalypse was in full swing last week, I decided to have another viewing of Adam Green's Frozen.  Seemed fitting, watching a movie about 3 people freezing their asses off while I sat in my warm bed and watched the blizzard out my window.

Don't Look Down!

 Frozen is commonly compared to another stranded film, Open Water, except it is much better.  One of the things I liked most about it is that it has something new to offer, a ski horror film.  Having been skiing since I was a little kid, it immediately caught my attention since the idea of it has always been in the back of my head.  It is about 2 best friends, Dan and Lynch, who take their annual 'guys weekend' to go skiing.  Dan (Kevin Zegers, Dawn of the Dead) decides to take his girlfriend on the trip, Parker (Emma Bell), much to the chagrin of Lynch (Shawn Ashmore, X-Men Trilogy).  Since they spend all day babysitting awful Parker, they decide to make one last run while the mountain was closing.  After some confusion, a new lift operator comes in and shuts down the ski lift while the gang is still on it, hanging high off the ground.  Knowing the mountain is closed for the next 5 days, they must decide how to get down or freeze to death.

Once they get stuck on the lift, ideas start going through your head immediately about how they should get down.  One could argue they didn't always make the right choices, but I usually give people in life-or-death situations the benefit of the doubt.  This movie does a good job at putting you in their position, freezing alone up in a mountain with limited options to survive.  Another thing I liked about this movie is that they filmed on location.  It made it seem so much more real that they were actually on a ski lift while it was constantly snowing and hailing.  Kudos to Adam Green for this, since I don't think it would have had the same effect in a green room with CGI snow.



Speaking of Adam Green, the man has a good sized cult following after making Hatchet I & II.  While I didn't enjoy the first movie as much as others did, I have slightly higher hopes for the sequel (which is currently in my queue).  Hatchet II had a controversial release last year, the MPAA refused to lower it to an R-rating, so he had to release it to theaters as an Unrated cut.  After only 3 days, AMC Theaters decided to pull it from all their screens without even telling Mr. Green.  Needless to say, he was upset and is not in good terms with the MPAA or AMC.  Good thing you can always count on AMC to show trash like The Roommate (opening at 5% on Rotten Tomatoes)!



The acting was good for a horror movie as well.  Kevin Zegers plays a decent pretty boy in Dan, while Shawn Ashmore nails the pot-head who longs for a girlfriend.  Emma Bell is probably the weakest of the bunch, but still not as bad as most female leads in horror movies.  In fact, she is going to star in Final Destination 5 (should have stopped at 2). 



I would recommend this movie to horror fans, or anyone who has ever been skiing/snowboarding and wondered what would happen if they got stuck on the lift.  There is a little amount of blood and gore, but not much.  What do you expect out of a movie that has only 3 people in it?  Overall, the production value was great and the acting was good.  While taking place in only 1 spot for the majority of the movie, it does a good job at not boring you to death.  It is one of those movies where you can easily put yourself into their shoes and think about what you would do if you were in that situation.  The reviewer for Blu-Ray.com calls it 'one of the scariest movies ever made,' which is going a bit far, but it is definitely worth checking out, especially on a miserable winter day.  Is it summer yet?

Total Score:  6/10

Buckets: 1.5/5

I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

Directed by:  Steven Monroe

Written by:  Meir Zarchi (original), Stuart Morse

Starring:  Sarah Butler, Jeff Branson, Andrew Howard

"Oh, no you didn't!"
(2010 Version)

It has been a slow few months for Splatter Films.  Winter is in full swing and good movies are hard to come by, especially good horror movies.  So instead of waiting for a good one, I just watched a few time-killers, hoping to be surprised.  One of which was I Spit on Your Grave, a remake of the 1978 version with the same name.  There was a little buzz surrounding it, since the original was very controversial for its time.  I figured I’d give it a shot, since it had an appealing poster, and an IMDb rating higher than 6 (eliminating my other viewing option, Chain Letter).  While I’m sure I made a better choice, but I’d recommend choosing ‘none of the above.’

As with most movies, I try not to read up about it too much, since plot descriptions and reviews tend to spoil the movie and ruin the experience.  From my experience, movies are almost always better with no expectations.  Unfortunately, this movie could not be saved no matter how much I knew about it.

Let me enlighten you with the lovely plot details.  We are introduced to a young lady named Jennifer Hills (Sarah Butler) who is driving to a cabin in the middle of the woods to write her next novel.  I'm not sure if they actually gave a reason why she chose this particular town to stay in, but it turned out to be a bad choice.  After wearing as many skimpy outfits as she possibly can in a few days time, the local troublemakers decide to have some fun with the lonesome city girl.  The hoodlums, led by Johnny (Jeff Branson) and dirty Sheriff Storch (Andrew Howard), harass her for a while and then end up raping her repeatedly.  Before they can kill her and get rid of the evidence, she manages to escape down the river and comes back to exact her revenge.

While the first half reminded me much of The Last House on the Left, the second half just turns into Hostel with torture porn shots coming one after the other.  Jennifer's character wasn't developed enough in the beginning to justify making her revenge plausible.  From all we know, she just likes to jog, write novels, play with her cell phone, and drink wine... but I guess she also dabbles in torture.  She single-handedly manages to turn the tables on each of the 5 people who raped her, using everything from Lye, fishing hooks, pulleys, hedge clippers, and a shotgun to replicate each rapists personality trait.  Either she's secretly a psychopath, who just let the people overpower her at first just to think they've gotten the upper hand, or she just watches too many horror movies.  Either way, I wasn't buying it.

The kills are decent, since they are semi creative and extremely painful looking.  There isn't a ton of blood in it, but enough to satisfy a few gore hounds.  The acting was decent, some parts are a little shaky, but overall not a bad job.  Andrew Howard probably did the best job playing the dirtbag Sheriff, but Sarah Butler and Jeff Branson were decent as well.  One of the actors went full retard for his part, which never bodes well, and adds little to the movie.  All in all, the production value wasn't terrible, but the editing and script were sub-par, even for a horror movie.

In conclusion, this movie is not worth seeing.  Many people will immediately be put off by the graphic rape scene(s), and the climax (no pun intended) just isn't worth sticking around for.  It is just so distractingly unbelievable that a girl like Jennifer can think of these elaborate schemes and traps, days after being physically and mentally tortured.  There are just way too many gaping plot holes in I Spit on Your Grave.  Even putting this aside, the movie just doesn't have enough substance to merit a viewing.  And for those of you wondering, there is no spitting on anyone's grave the entire film.  They couldn't even get the title right.

Total Score:  3/10

Buckets:  2/5

Devil

Directed by:  John Erick Dowdle

Written by:  Brian Nelson

Starring:  Chris Messina, Logan Marshall-Green, Bojana Novakovic, Jenny O’Hara, Bokeem Woodbine, Geoffrey Arend


It’s been a long time since I’ve watched a new horror movie, hence the stretch to write a review for Devil.  Being a much dreaded PG-13 horror film, and based on a story by M. Night Shyamalan, my expectations were rock bottom. Luckily, it turned out to be pretty decent.  In fact, it might even be his best movie since Unbreakable, which isn’t saying much.  Nothing can be worse than The Happening (except maybe Twilight).  This is probably due to the fact he had little to do with this movie as possible, leaving the writing and directing to someone else.

The plot is based around an old folktale that begins with a suicide, and ends with the devil punishing a group of people until no one remains.  The movie starts with that suicide, a jumper from a large office building.  After that, the wheels are set into motion as all of our main characters become trapped in an elevator in that building.  On the case is Detective Bowden (Chris Messina), who is a recovering alcoholic after his family was killed in a hit and run accident.  Also behind the scenes are a couple of security guards, one of whom is the token folklore expert, giving out vital information sparingly.  He naturally proves his theory to the police by dropping toast and having it fall jelly side down (or is it jam?).  Anyways, this ‘devil’ will be disguised as a regular human and our job during the movie is to figure out who it is.  Is it Sergeant Crisp from The Rock (Bokeem Woodbine)?  Maybe… maybe not.

Everyone involved did a pretty good job here (although the detective kind of bothered me for some reason).  As the film chugs along, you change your suspicions to a new person every 10 minutes.  Once you are sure its one person, they die, so you start suspecting another, and then they die.  There aren’t any clues revealed to completely give it away, and everyone has their own reasons to not be trusted.  The best way to watch is to just enjoy the ride and not over-think things, since you’ll most likely be wrong. 

Production value was decent, and they made the most out of the low budget, which was more than earned back its opening weekend.  With an 80 minute runtime, this movie will not waste too much of your time.  If you skip the ‘clever’ upside down intro shots and the credits, that leaves you with about an hour and 10 minutes, an ideal length for a movie like this.  You’ll only have to wait an hour to find out who the devil is!

Overall, this movie turned out to be better than I thought, but not great.  It wasn't overdone and stupid like most Shamalama movies, so that was nice.  There also weren't any plot holes that I could think of, which is rare for most mainstream horror movies.  That combined with the short runtime made it a very efficient thriller.  Devil is what it is, and it’s a good popcorn flick.  So don’t be the ‘smart guy’ and continuously try to impress people by figuring out who the devil is from the beginning.  Just sit back and keep your theories in your head, since no one cares if you knew it was them all along… because you most likely didn’t. 

Total Score:  5/10

Buckets:  0/5

Frontier(s)

Written & Directed by:  Xavier Gens

Starring:  Karina Testa, Samuel Le Bihan, Aurélien Wiik, Chems Dahmani

I originally came across this movie because it was being compared to some of my favorite horror films, Inside and Martyrs.  After seeing it, I would best compare it to a mix between The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Hostel.  However, Frontier(s) was a bit more enjoyable to me than both of those.  While the French film lacked a good dose of Biel, and the sick humor of Eli Roth, it more than made up for it with the buckets of blood that single handedly caused theaters to pull this NC-17 gem.

As mentioned previously in my review of From Within, this movie was originally part of the “8 Films to Die For” in the 2007 After Dark Horrorfest lineup, but was replaced in theaters because of the NC-17 tag.  That rating is known as ‘box office suicide,’ but I was surprised that the Horrorfest would pull their best movie in order to gain a few more viewers.  Regardless, I made sure I saw it and you should too.

Frontier(s) is about a group of small-time hoodlum teenagers named Yasmine, Alex, Tom, Farid, and Sami.  They just stole a bag of money during the riots in Paris and decide to flee to Amsterdam to get away from the fighting.  Since Sami was somehow shot, his sister Yasmine (Karina Testa) and her ex-boyfriend, Alex (Aurélien Wiik), take him to the hospital.  Meanwhile, Tom and Farid get head start on the trip and drive for the border, or frontier, with the money.  They ultimately decide to stay at a small cottage for the night.  While at the cottage, Tom and Farid are treated like royalty so they tell the others to join them for the night.  Before they arrive, shit hits the fan and Tom and Farid are running for their lives.  It turns out the Inn is being run by a deranged Nazi family that kills everyone that stays at the cottage.  When Yasmine and Alex arrive, they have no idea where their friends are, but soon find out they must too fight for their lives.  

While not the most original story, the action starts almost immediately and the bloodshed is constant.  There are plenty of cringe-worthy scenes, but it is not pointless ”torture porn” like in Hostel.  The entire time, the characters are fighting and clawing for survival.  They are always close to getting away, only to be thrown right back into the mess of things.  The director, Xavier Gens (Hitman), did a fantastic job with the pacing and at keeping the tension high throughout the film.  The last 15 minutes is pure, nonstop, bloody entertainment.  It also contains what could be the best death scene I’ve ever seen.

Like with all films, there were some minor drawbacks.  The back story involving the heated political race and the ensuing riots seemed pointless.  While there needs to be some story to how the kids get to the death cottage, it just seemed like it was overly done.  With most horror movies, there are some ‘what were you thinking?” moments.  There was the typical escape routine where the victim gets in the first car she sees on the property.  Obviously the person driving to where you just came from is a bad guy.  Or the great decision to hide in an oven when you are fleeing for your life.  When has that ever been a good idea?  Regardless, I forgive their mistakes.  You can’t expect people to make cold, calculated decisions when they are being chased by a crazed Nazi. 

In conclusion, Frontier(s) is a fantastic example on how to make a good horror movie.  The actors did a great job, and story was constantly engaging all the way up to the great finale.  Also, the death scenes were all fantastic and there was no shortage of blood.  If I had to recommend any horror film out of all the “8 Films to Die For” series, this is the one to see.  In terms of French horror, I’d rank this only behind Inside, Martyrs, and High Tension.  While they are all entirely different movies, they are all prime examples of horror at its finest.  Highly recommended!

Total Score:  8.5/10

Buckets:  5/5

Deadgirl

Directed by:  Marcel Sarmiento & Gadi Harel

Written by:  Trent Haaga

Starring:  Shiloh Fernandez, Noah Segan, Michael Bowen, Candice Accola

Getting away from the mainstream horror genre, I decided to give a film called Deadgirl a try.  I’ve read a few positive reviews online (and a few negative), so I tracked it down and watched it after work last week.  This is a common routine for me, and it’s a gamble whether or not the film turns out to be good.  That’s part of the rush for me; finding an unknown film with a cult following and not reading much more into it.  I find it better to watch a movie that you don’t really know much about, and not letting the trailer show you half of the movie.  That way, nothing gets ruined for you and the movie develops the way it was intended.  While this methodology tends to waste your time every now and then (i.e. Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door), it also brings along some pleasant surprises.

Deadgirl is one of those movies that really doesn’t fit into a certain genre.  The best way I can describe it is being a high school/horror/romantic comedy/zombie flick, in that order.  That’s one thing I really enjoyed about the film, it’s not something I’ve seen before.

The movie follows two loner high school students who stumble upon a mysterious girl while doing one of my favorite past times, skipping class to roam the basement of an abandoned mental hospital.  As they soon find out, the girl cannot die.  Since she is chained to a table, one of them seems to think it would be fun to make her his personal sex slave.  The rational student, Rickie (Shiloh Fernandez), finds what his friend, JT (Noah Segan, Brick), is doing to be insane and obviously wants nothing to do with his activity.  Unfortunately, word spreads about what they have found and their sex-depraved classmates want to see the ‘deadgirl’ for themselves. 

The viewer is put into Rickie’s corner from the start, since he is the lonely romantic who always does the right thing.  He’s the familiar high school kid all of us know well, the one that loved the girl that he couldn’t get.  Being an outcast is all he’s been known to be, and the same goes for JT.  The main difference between the two is that JT was willing to give up trying for the girls he couldn’t get.  He had found his salvation chained to a table in an abandoned basement, and that was good enough for him.  He was happy with her no matter what Rickie said.  In the end, ‘deadgirl’ consumes him and creates a whole new monster.

While this movie does cross some lines, I couldn’t help but enjoy the ride.  The acting was a little sluggish at the start, but everyone ends up putting in a great effort.  Noah Segan is the standout for this movie as JT, but the other actors played their characters superbly as well.  Some questions were left unanswered, like where the girl came from and what she truly is, but I feel that it didn’t really hurt the film.  In fact, a little mystery is great.  Sometimes I don’t like it when everything is spelled out for me.  

While it does have its flaws, I recommend Deadgirl because it is something truly different.  It definitely won’t please everyone; in fact it probably won’t please many.  While it may sound hard to believe, this movie has a lot more under the surface than just people having sex with a dead girl.  I feel sorry for those who don’t take anything more out of this film, since I believe the writers did a great job creating an original story here.  It really questions a humans capabilities and moral standings, but it makes you laugh at the same time.  While there is a strong element of romance involved, I wouldn’t have this movie penciled in for ‘Date Night’ if I were you.  It does contain someone having their penis bitten off and shitting out their insides (sucks to be you).  So there’s that…


Total Score:  6.5/10
Buckets:  2.5/5

Saw VII.... errr Saw 3D

Directed by:  Kevin Greutert

Written by:  Patrick Melton & Marcus Dunstan

Starring: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Betsy Russell, Chad Donella, Sean Patrick Flanery

Another Halloween means another Saw movie.  This time, I was hoping my seventh annual Halloween weekend trip to the theaters would be better than the previous two trips.  As it turns out, the latest Saw movie is much better than the previous 2 films, but that’s not saying much.

Saw VII… I mean Saw 3D, is the supposed ‘final’ chapter in the successful Saw series.  Those of you familiar with the series should be anticipating this movie, whether it be for reasons of curiosity, or because of shear relief that this franchise if finally over.  While not a die hard fan of the series, I have found them all enjoyable.  Very rarely does a horror franchise come along that spawns more than 3 movies.  When they do, you couldn’t ask for a better collection of films than the Saw series.  Even if you despise all the torturing and twists that occur throughout, you honestly cannot tell me any of these movies is worse than Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, or Halloween III: Season of the Witch.  Simply put, this series has been consistently engaging and highly watchable, no matter what your final opinions may be.

This time around, the formula stays pretty much the same.  We follow a man named Bobby (Sean Patrick Flanery, Boondock Saints) going through a series of traps trying to save people closest to him.  The plot is pretty much exactly the same as Saw VI, except this time the character is not an insurance agent, he is a self-proclaimed Jigsaw survivor who has made millions off a self-help book.  As expected, there are numerous other story lines intertwined as well.  Jigsaw’s apprentice Detective Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) is hunting down Jigsaw’s wife Jill Kramer (Betsy Russell, as seen in a plastic surgeon’s office) because of how she left him to end the last film.  She ends up hiding out in a ‘safe house’ under supervision of Internal Affairs Agent Gibson (Chad Donella, Final Destination).  Meanwhile, Gibson is trying to track down Hoffman before he kills any more people. 

There is nothing new to offer here, except that there are more traps in this movie than any other entry in the series with 11.  Most of these traps are clever and original, while some are rehashed.  More importantly, the aftermath of all these traps are quite gory, except one or two.  I would say that this is the bloodiest one of the bunch, and that is saying a lot given how gruesome most of these are.  If you don't cringe at a few of these death scenes, you may want to check your pulse.  While some of the bodies ended up looking like plastic dummies, I still applaud the effort put in.  Since the death scenes might be the only things in this movie that had any effort put into.

One of the worst aspects of this movie is that the majority of the characters had no background or connection to previous entries in the series.  Yes, they brought in most of the survivors of past movies for a few scenes, but this movie should have been more about them, while containing a more original plot.  Instead, we have to follow around Bobby.  Why the hell is newcomer Bobby the main character in the final movie of the series?!?  Who cares about him, or the singer of Linkin Park that appears in the junkyard game?  The one person who definitely belongs in it the most is Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), and he is in this film for maybe 5 minutes.  That is unacceptable, especially for the finale.  As hard as the writers have tried to make each movie connect, I was let down by the final product here.

Another disappointing thing about Saw 3D is the fact that the main killer, Hoffman, doesn’t really follow the Jigsaw recipe the entire movie.  He chooses random people to ‘test’ and most games are not survivable.  Plus, he turns into a Terminator towards the end and just slices and dices his way to Jill.  Also, the chase scenes through the hallways looked incredibly staged and extremely cheesy.  Decent slasher action, but Saw is not, and never was, a slasher movie. 

Another thing that bothered me is that most of the traps were pointless, even more than usual.  For instance, why was there a public ‘game’ at the beginning?  This was completely out of place and had no connection to the rest of the movie.  There seemed to be too much left unanswered for it to be considered a conclusion.  Unless there is another movie being planned down the line, in which case it might answer all the remaining questions.  But if that happened, it would be a cheap marketing move to lie to the public to get them to see the ‘final’ movie.  Just like how the Rolling Stones have been stealing people’s money by putting on ‘farewell’ tours every other year for the past decade.  I’m a believer in the idea that some things just need to die so they can be remembered for when they were still relevant and successful (I’m looking at you Mick).

Many of these negatives could be accounted to the fact the director didn’t even want to do this movie.  He wanted to do Paraboring Activity 2, but Lionsgate had a clause in his contract to do another movie, so he was dragged back a week before shooting!  Plus he tried to rework the script, blah blah blah.  Just seemed doomed from the beginning, which is sad knowing this is the conclusion to a legendary series.

In conclusion, the filmmakers could have done way better job here, being that this is the ‘final’ movie.  However, this movie was a lot better than Saw V and VI, but not as good as the first 4 movies.  Yet again, the 3D was a disappointing gimmick.  While some scenes involved body parts flying at the screen, it was mostly tacky and largely forgettable.  Overall, I recommend this movie to fans or anyone who has seen the others, mostly because Saw 3D does offer some closure on a few characters and story lines.  If you don't like any of the Saw movies and don't care how the series ends, don't feel bad about skipping it.  Besides some great traps and death scenes, the plot contains most of the same ole tricks and the end doesn't blow your mind, 3D or not.


Total Score:  5/10
Buckets:  4.5/5

The Crazies

Directed by:  Breck Eisner
Written by:  Scott Kosar, Ray Wright
Starring:  Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson, Danielle Panabaker

Timothy Olyphant...
Not Josh Duhamel

Since October began, I’ve been trying to watch at least one horror movie per night until Halloween.  Lately, I have found it increasingly hard to keep up so I’ve just been watching them as often as I can.  Anyways, the next movie down the pipe was The Crazies.  In my opinion, this is one of the best horror remakes since The Hills Have Eyes.  I have not seen the original 1973 George A. Romero film, but after seeing this one, I am going to assume the new one is better.  Being a fan of Timothy Olyphant (Deadwood, Live Free or Die Hard), I was excited to see this when it came out.  Since it was released in FeBOOary, many people missed it, but not me.  After seeing it for a second time now that it is out on DVD, it easily proved to be worth revisiting.   

The Crazies is about a small town in Iowa whose citizens mysteriously get sick and start acting a little ‘crazy.’  Once infected, they turn into violent, zombie-like shells of their former self and eventually die, either from the sickness or from the top secret quarantine the military sets up.  Acting out against this quarantine is the towns Sheriff (played by Timothy Olyphant), his wife (Radha Mitchell), and two others (Joe Anderson and Danielle Panabaker).  Not only do they have to avoid being killed by both ‘the crazies’ and the military, but they are also trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

The production here is top notch for a horror film.  The director uses satellite feeds as segues between some scenes that, at first, seem out of place, but they end up being a pretty smart, unique addition.  It has a great pace to it, and the vibe is very intense throughout.  It is not the type of horror film that relies on a big reveal ending that either saves it or loses it for audiences.  Instead, it is just a genuinely entertaining film lead by strong acting and a great storyline.

The violence in this film is also very well done.  It is not an over-the-top violent movie with zombie heads getting cut off by helicopter blades, but it definitely isn’t PG-13 either.  There are some creative death scenes involved and quite a few good splatters.  Both are very important ingredients for the best horror movies.  The only negative thing in this entire movie that bothered me is that the business end of a pitchfork seems to double in size in different shots.  Other than that minor blunder, they did a bloody good job.

Not only is The Crazies an effective horror remake, but it is also one of the better horror movies in recent memory.  The action starts right at the beginning and doesn’t let up until the credits roll.  Timothy Olyphant continues to literally strut his stuff as the town Sheriff character which is great.  I’m still in the dark to why he walks so stiff (past back problems…?).  Regardless, I love all of his work and this is no exception.  Do yourself a favor and snag a copy of The Crazies before Halloween.  Highly recommended.


Total Score:  8/10
Buckets: 2.5/5