Machete

Written and Directed by:  Robert Rodriguez
Starring:  Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Jeff Fahey, DeNiro, Seagal, Lohan....


Its been a while since I've seen a splatter film in theaters, and what better movie to see than Machete?   I remember seeing Grindhouse in theaters and loving the fake trailer for this film (and all the other trailers as well).  Luckily, I wasn't the only one who found it to be hilarious.  Robert Rodriguez also recognized the potential and made what everyone was hoping for... a feature-length bloodbath. 

Assuming everyone knows what this is about, I'll be quick describing this Mexploitation gem.  It dives straight in the action, delivering what most fans would want in the first 5 minutes:  laughs, extreme violence, and nudity (in that order).  Token Mexican (aka Danny Trejo) finally plays a big role as a betrayed ex-Federale who seeks revenge on the man who killed his family (Steven Seagal).  Looking for work, he is hired by a man (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate a senator going for re-election (Bobby DeNiro), but it turns out he is being framed to strengthen DeNiro's campaign on border control.  Meanwhile, Michelle Rodriguez is a leader of an underground network trying to help illegal immigrants start a new life, while Jessica Alba breathes down both of their necks as an US Immigration and Customs agent.  As expected, the plot takes a backseat to the action here.  Most of the scenes leading up to the big finale drag a bit and seem tacked on just so it can be excused as a real movie.  But we all know audiences didn't see this to hear about border control or any other political issues. 

Looks like someone f*d with
the wrong Mexican

 The star-studded cast does exactly as needed.  Robert DeNiro is great in a change-of-pace role as the slimy Texas senator, Lindsay Lohan expertly plays herself as a drug addicted rich girl, Shea Whigham (from Splinter) is great as the right hand man to Jeff Fahey, who I thought had the best performance of the bunch.  Cheech Marin was typical Cheech here, a shotgun toting Priest playing Machete's brother (How many movies have a character like that in it?).  Rounding out the big names are Don Johnson (oddly playing Von Jackson) and Steven Seagal (strangely cast as the evil Mexican drug lord). 

Regarding Jessica Alba's performance, you won't be disappointed.  Never known for her acting ability, it actually wasn't as distractingly bad as usual.  However, she was not cast to play the best federal agent possible.  Her best asset is on full display when she's working out on her lunch break.  Lets just say that her Wii Fitness was a good purchase.

She's not the only one showing off her body in this movie.  Michelle Rodriguez gives Alba a run for her money as the hottest actress in the film, plus the naked Eva Mendes look-alike at the beginning isn't too bad on the eyes either.  Those three definitely make up for Mr. Trejo, who might be one of the ugliest men on earth.  Lucky for him, it doesn't stop him from hooking up with all of them... oh the magic of movies.

I did not enjoy everything about this movie.  In fact, there are a few minor things I'd like to point out that sort of bothered me.  First of all, whenever there was a death scene (and there were many), there were always frames missing just before the kill to right after it happens.  I understand its hard to film a big action scene in one take and have limbs fly off and bullet holes riddle bodies seamlessly.  It just got a little annoying when those precious few milliseconds are being cut out over and over again leaving us with just the aftermath.  Minor gripe I know, but it sort of ruins the flow of the scenes in my opinion.  Another thing I noticed is that Rodriguez tried to incorporate too many scenes of the fake preview into the movie.  99.99% of the time I'd prefer this, but in this case it just seemed like some of those scenes didn't quite fit into the movie and were obviously stuck in.  Lastly, the fact that almost every principal character dies at least once in the movie and comes back to life seemed a bit overused.  In some cases I'm glad they came back.  In others, their second life seemed pointless except to add another notch to the body count. 

Other than those slight missteps, Robert Rodriguez made himself a highly enjoyable flick I'd easily recommend to anyone looking for a good time.  With a resume of Desperado, From Dusk Till Dawn, Planet Terror, and now Machete, RR has solidified his place as the master of dirty, bloody, old-school looking action films.  As always with a Rodriguez film, the music is also great which makes the film even more enjoyable.  The action is cut at a breakneck pace, buckets of blood hit the walls and floor, dialogue is wonderfully corny, and the actresses are as hot as ever.  What else do you need out of a movie at the end of a weak summer? 


Total Score:  7/10
Buckets:  4/5